How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

How often would you say no to things that would interfere with your goals?

These days, I mostly surround myself with people I trust, love, and who genuinely love me back. Love has a big part in whether I say yes or no. And honestly? I prefer doing things on the spur of the moment. It’s part of the “move in silence” lifestyle. 

If there are NO plans, then I can only expect better than unexpected. I’ve found that expectations lead to disappointments, and spontaneity leaves room for magic.

But it wasn’t always like that.

For me, learning to say no didn’t happen until after too many betrayals, disappointments, almost dying, and-of course-three kids. 

In my teens and twenties, I was a Yes Girl. Call it naive or just plain dumb, but I said yes to everything.

Do you want to get in a limo with men celebrating a bachelor party? Yes.

Outcome: Found myself stuck in a sketchy situation, no exit strategy, and absolutely no business being there.

Do you want to go to Disney for the weekend? Yes.

Outcome: Came back home without my brand-new car-because it got stolen.

Do you want to go on a Carnival cruise and gamble? Yes.

Outcome: Lost more than just money-also lost dignity and a little piece of my sanity.

Do you want to have a family gathering in hopes to heal past wounds? Yes.

Outcome: One of the children got attacked by a psychotic family member. So much for healing.

Of course, my intentions were always pure. I wanted connection, fun, love, and maybe a little adventure. But the outcomes? Never quite matched the hope I put into them.

Eventually, I had to learn boundaries-something I wasn’t used to and only a near-death experience could initiate. It was like the universe had to literally bring me to the edge to teach me how to protect my peace.

Nowadays…I don’t necessarily say “No” as quickly or often as I want to, but I’ve learned the importance of moving in silence. When it comes to invitations or new commitments, I give myself at least three days to sit with it. My brain will cycle through every possible scenario-like a personal risk assessor with a PhD in “What Could Go Wrong.”

If the good outweighs the bad, I’m typically in. But if something feels off or overly complicated, I’ll pass without explanation. That’s growth. That’s peace. That’s survival.

I didn’t always know how to say no. But now I know my worth, my energy, and what I’m no longer willing to gamble.

Because peace doesn’t just happen-it’s chosen, protected, and earned one “NO” at a time.